Becoming Samantha

Apparently 63% ???  (Not sure about the percentage) of my state think that homosexuals are not equal to us breeders.  Of course they can’t have the same rights as I enjoy.  That would be tacky!  Why should a man be able to marry a man if that is what makes him happy?  Why should two women want to be married?  We’ll just change our already screwed up laws to make things worse.  Go North Carolina!  I live among a totally unenlightened people.  Oh and if you think gay people have it hard you should try being transgender in this backwoods town I live in.  I may be able to marry my girlfriend but no one will want to walk on the same side of the street with me.  Blah Blah Blah. 

                                                                   Disappointed and disgusted

                                                                                       Samantha

Ok…  Today’s adventure has been how to make a better mouse trap.  I’ve noticed in the last week or two that I have at least two little visitors in my house.  I’ve seen a cute little fluffy brown mouse and another cute little gray one.  I love mice.  I’ve had them as pets, and I can not kill them.  So I went to Lowe’s and got some live catch traps yesterday.  The traps are a little tube on a see-saw.  Bait on one end and a door on the other.  The idea is that if the mouse goes to the end of the tube with the bait the weight will tip the tube and shut the door behind them.  So far all I have for two days of trying is some fat mice.  They don’t seem to weight enough to trigger the trap.  So now I’m trying heavier bait.  I hope they like chicken. 

Thank you!  I would have sent you a message but I can’t find a place on your page to send you one.  I’m always happy to gain a new follower. 

So today is the big day.  Today NC will pass an amendment to the state constitution defining marriage as a union between man and woman.  An amendment that denies the legality of marriage union of same sex couples made in other states.  An amendment that includes new laws making it legal to take the children from homes where two people live who are not of opposing sex.  It’s going to be a sad day here in good ol’ North Carolina.  We have fucking polititions on the TV quoting bible verses.  How screwed up is that?  The streets are littered with signs calling for the vote.  I’ve removed dozens from the streets near my home and every time I do so they put back up twice as many.  I don’t see this backwards medieval state actually voting this amendment down.  It’s just frustrating how in a time when gay people are more accepted than ever that we are passing new laws to oppress them.  I’m ashamed to be a southerner.

So the school semester comes to a close and life is finally resuming it’s natural order in my household.  I’m able to go out as Samantha again and that’s brought some long awaited smiles to my face.  This summer I’m taking all online courses except for one lecture class.  That should help calm things down even further.  After many setbacks and struggles to make it happen, and then postponements as my money situation dwindled, I am finally going to start HRT on the 23rd.  I’m giddy as a child waiting for Santa Clause on Christmas Eve.  I’ve awaited this for so long.  I’m sorry to everyone who followed me with such fervor, and to those who helped me and shared with me before I dropped off of Tumblr.  I am back and will try to make this a daily blog again.  I look forward to catching up with all of you, and to meeting new people to accompany me on my journey. 

                                                                           Yours Truly

                                                                                  Samantha

Finally after a two month absence, I let Samantha back out of the bag today.  It was wonderful.  I smiled for the first time in months.  I felt more confident.  I was more sociable at school.  I finally felt like me again.  Now I just need to get some decent razors and life will be back in full swing.  As some of you know who have been following me on my journey, the last few months have been very difficult.  My fiance Billie and I almost broke up, my sister has had worsening cancer and the hell of Chemo.  I got behind on all my bills and the plumbing and power to my house were just barely functional.  I couldn’t use the stove or anything else that ran on 220v and had to ration the rest of the power as we ran on only one line of power instead of two.  We couldn’t shower here, or do dishes, or flush the toilet.  It got quite nasty as I tried every avenue to get the plumbing fixed.  I finally got it done and things are back to normal.  I have clean clothes and can shower regularly and so can go back to being Samantha full time and it’s wonderful!  Billie and I are getting along just fine.  My only problem now is that my insurance dropped me and I am struggling to get the meds for my anxiety issues.  Needless to say I’ve had high anxiety and have approached a panic attack repeatably, but I’m coping.  Great news is that I go this month on the 23rd to start HRT!!!  I had to put it off for over a month so that I could catch the bills up.  I have to self-pay and that won’t be cheap but at least I will get this show on the road.  I’m going to try to get on here for a bit every day now so that I can catch up on all of you and what has transpired with you since my dark age came and went.  I would welcome anything you want to put in my ask box, just to let me know that you are all still there and that you all still care.

                                                                           Love you all,

                                                                                  Samantha

Today I have my house fully functioning.  I finally had the extra money to buy a good snake and got the clog undone.  Our house drains!  I dug a trench to get the water out of the hole where the power cables were at and got both lines spliced and we have full power to the house!  I’m getting things situated with WIA, the agency paying for my schooling, and hopefully they will sponsor me for the rest of my degree program!  I can finally bath on schedule, catch up my laundry, and cook on my stove!  After we get the house caught back up and clean I can bring Samantha back out.  I’ve missed her so much these last months.  Things are looking up.  I’m crawling out of my hole and spreading my wings once more.  I love you guys.  Thank you all so much for not unfollowing me while I was down and out.  It means a lot to have you all here to share with me my rise back to glory.

Life is coasting on.  Seems that I’m getting nowhere at all on trying to improve my situation.  I got my car legal.  So that is a plus.  Still can’t use water in the house because the drain line is clogged somewhere and I can’t get it unclogged.  The power line to the house just happens to be under a small puddle of raw sewage and I can’t fix the power until I fix the plumbing.  My sister is getting worse.  She had multiple strokes last week and they have doubled her chemo-therapy.  Her tumors have spread to her spinal and cranial fluid.  Billie’s sister tried to overdose two weeks ago after burning her house down.  She tried again three days ago and was on life support until this morning.  I’m about to get kicked out of the WIA program that pays for my college because I can’t make appointments with all the drama.  I’m dirty, tired, hairy, stressed, pissed off, worried, and pretty much depressed. 

Sorry guys for my extended hiatus.  I’ve just been trying to figure myself and my life out to some degree.  That and it has been busy.  Back to school after jury duty.  Been trying to help my sister keep her household running.  We had a fundraiser for her family and for the Jimmy V cancer foundation Saturday.  It wasn’t a big success but any little bit helps.  I spent yesterday helping my mom replace her kitchen floor.  Billie and I have moved back in with each other and we are trying to keep things running here at the house.  We’ve been flooded with plumbing and electrical problems that we are still trying to sort out as our household limps on.  My daughter moved out this week back in with her husband for the time being.  A lot of stress with the bills as I recover from trying to hold this household together while staying with my sister.  My tag isn’t legal on the car, my inspection is out, my taxes are due, my insurance is about to be canceled, I’ve got the highest power bill I’ve had in two years, and all this while juggling home repairs, relationship issues, and kids moving in and out.  What little hair I had left is quickly being pulled out.  As I’ve only been able to shower once in the last week I’ve completely gone to man mode as I refuse to walk around in filth as a woman.  I really could use some good nerve pills.  Hope all of you out there are doing well.  I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to get on here to keep track of you. 

                                                                                Love you all,

                                                                                      Samantha

Well here I am again folks.  My sister isn’t doing real good right now.  Chemotherapy can go one of two ways.  It can kill cancer, or it can make your system so weak that you can’t fight the cancer any more.  It looks like this time the odds went the wrong way.  Amber went from having the tumor at the base of her brain to having it spread into her cranial and spinal fluid.  This takes her chance of survival from about twenty percent to about eight, according to doctors.  But doctors don’t know me and my sister like we do.  We are fighters.  We are too damn stubborn to give up on anything.  Anyone who has followed me and has actually read my blog knows that I won’t back down from anything and that I will make a stand in the face of any odds.  Well guess what doctors.  My sister is more pig headed than I am.  She’s going to be with us for a long time.  I refuse to believe that any other outcome is possible.  I love my baby sister to death.  And damnit I’m not going to let her go!